A Tad Bit of Bitterness...

Disclaimer - major whine fest.  Proceed at your own risk and with caution.

I can't even think of a name for this blog post.  I have a lot to cover in very little time, so hold on tight.

First off, Happy 9th Birthday Paige Alyson Bradley!!

I'm only a month late.

I've been MIA.  I haven't wanted to face the world, let alone write down the pathetic days that I've had.  I feel like my entire life has been set up for failure.  And just a minute ago, I relived some of those times, and quite frankly, it makes me mad.  So don't take it personally, but I'm fed up.

I'm sick of playing the game of everything being fine and when you ask me, that's what I say, right?  Well...

I think that everybody has seasons in life when they want so much more, and right now, I'm totally empty and no one is hearing me.  I feel like God has abandoned me for whatever reason - and I know in my SOUL that He hasn't but it doesn't help this feeling.  At all.  Walking alone sucks.

Seeing everything that has gone wrong for me lately - including a job that makes me a crazy woman that could probably be clinically committed - I'm just tired.

I don't think that a lot of people understand how hurtful empty words are.  Sometimes, they hurt even more than being called names or being told that you're worthless.  Honestly, I'd rather you just completely ignore me than act like you care but never show it.  Bitterness has manifested and I don't want to feel this way.  But I can't help it.  

So prayers are coveted...

 

Happy Birthday Marshall!

Today is Marshall's 5th birthday!  Yes, 5 years ago at this time, my water had been broken and I was preparing for my epidural.  Little did we know, 5 hours and 15 minutes later, we would have a bouncing baby boy that was 10 pounds 11 ounces!!

We celebrated Marshall's birthday yesterday with a Superbowl theme.  Marshall is all boy and was super excited for his football cake.

We always get Paige a gift, too.  And for her birthday, Marshall will receive one.  That way, she can join in on the opening fun.

Marshall is super content with just a Nerf gun.  Trust me.  But we threw in his very own pillow pet and a super cool RC car.

Justin tried to video tape the festivities - but luckily I had the camera.  He's a little to inpatient to check out the tape and make sure that he's not recording over our wedding video (throwback to Everybody Loves Raymond)

After enjoying some cake - the Nerf festivities began...and it was WAR.

Um...this is Marshall's birthday, right??

And as with any Nerf war at the Bradley House - tears were eminent.

I did, however, get a picture with my baby boy.  I love being his mom.  I love that the Father has entrusted me with this sweet child.  I'm thankful to have a son who says he will live with me forever.  And I know that there is a very special little girl out there right now that will one day be his wife.  I pray that her parents teach her to guard her heart and save herself for him.  I pray that he will grow to be a loving godly man, and that he will love Jesus more than he loves anything else (including me, ha!).  Thank you, Justin, for giving me this piece of us to sneak kisses to when he really doesn't want them.  And thank you Marshall, for letting me be your mom.

Happy Birthday, Marshall Pearse Bradley!

My Laundry Room

I had such good intentions.

I even put the button on my blog.

But I only completed one of the challenges.

Beneath My Heart has had an organization party for the last few weeks.  I had a plan.  I was going to participate.  And then...LIFE happened.

But I am VERY excited to say that with Justin's help, we completed one of the challenges.  This week, we actually organized our (small) laundry room.  You're about to see why we needed this so very very badly...!!

Before, I always just threw rags up in my little plastic tub.  Before, I stuffed bottles of laundry soap and fabric softener on the top of the water heater.  I stuffed all kinds of weird stuff up on the one lone wire shelf above the washer and dryer.

Say goodbye to that horrible mess that made me crazy every time I did laundry.  And say hello to my new shelves...

That's solid oak, ladies and gentlemen.  Trust me.  Its sturdy.  I could probably store one of the children in there.

So I know, its not a huge amazing transformation that you'll see on some of the other links from Beneath My Heart.  But its mine.  And it makes me happy :)

Random Observation...

Yesterday, I went grocery shopping - like I normally do on Saturday.  I have a random observation for you that I took away from my trip.

I've noticed in the past couple of weeks all of the sweet old(er) couples (Justin told me to say elderly - so PC correction), ELDERLY couples shopping together.

It makes my heart melt.

So after leaving Aldi, I told Justin that I couldn't wait to grow old with him.  Then I said that I could "wait" but that it was going to be wonderful.

God blesses us with our soul mate.  I believe everyday that Justin is mine.  I know that through everything that this life has thrown at us (and it seems never ending) there's always joy because I can walk through each day with him by my side.

Sometimes, it makes me sad to think about Matthew 22:28.  I wish that I knew what Jesus meant when He addressed marriage and how we'd be like the angels.  I've read that angels are so very interested in the workings of marriage because that is something that they don't have.  I can sometimes imagine when Justin & I are having those deep conversations and sharing our hearts with each other late at night that there's an angel - listening ever so carefully, soaking in everything that we say. 

I'm grateful.  Humble.  Undeserving. 

I hope that all of you readers have the incomparable joy in your marriage - even in the tough times - that we have.  Imperfections...yes...but imperfect, no. 

(Photo Credit)

PS readers - pray for the Graviett family.  Mr. Roy died today.

Walk with me though this week

First off, I"m not much on New Year resolutions.  Just putting that out there -

But I do love lists and goals and writing stuff down.  Even if I only have a mental list, it feels so good to mark something as done.

Everything I've started this year...1/2 done.

We repainted our computer desk, and when/if I can get this MESSY house back together, you'll see pics.  I do love it.  And thanks to Mark that Justin works with, we were able to move it because we are the proud parents of a "new to us" wireless router.  Thank you for the congratulations, we're very proud.

Justin has the plans ALL DRAWN UP for my closet organizer.  Baskets, rods, shelves, can't wait!!!

I haven't grocery shopped in weeks.  I mean, I've picked up a few things here and there, but I haven't shopped.  I've kept up with all of my coupons - speaking of, have you seen Extreme Couponing on TLC?  I'm unsure how I feel.  I was very apprehensive to go to Walgreen's last Sunday for fear that all of the Finish Dishwashing Detergent would be gone.

Yes, an exciting life I lead...

This week has been R-O-U-G-H.  I'm dog-tired.  As in my left eye is twitching.  I need a rest.  I need to rest in Him.  Its been a while.  The ribbon marker in my Bible hasn't moved since before the holidays.

Which brings me to a stopping point in my walk this week.

Andrea is one of our pastor's daughters.  Her blog is conversational - happenings in her life.  I know how she feels.  I can relate.  I actually read one of her posts the other night and cried.  I cried because I feel like I've been cheated in this life because my mom & dad didn't care about my spiritual growth.  I don't want my kids to know that feeling.

I had no idea that the next destination for stopping this week would be tragic.
I received a Facebook message that a very close friend of my ex-husband was killed in a car accident Monday.  I spoke with his wife Tuesday.  My heart hurts for her because I know how very deeply I love my Justin...and she lost the same relationship abruptly, tragically, and without reason.  It was an accident.  In that moment, she became a widow, and her 2 young children will never see their father come home from work again.  Pray specifically peace, comfort and strength.

Stopping point number 3 happened tonight.  I received a phone call from Paige's BFF's mother...

Our daughters are being bullied.  And Paige didn't tell me.  That hurts...why didn't she talk to me?  Have I failed?  Is this linked back to my first stop of the week?  What am I doing wrong?

Sigh...

I love my family.  I want to do better for them.  I want to do better for myself.  But ultimately, I want God to smile.  Not just because He loves me, but because He knows that I'm giving Him my best.  Tragedy will happen, and God's most very perfect plan in that time is misunderstood.  I have suffered heartache that I never want my children to experience.  But sometimes, to show us that all we have to do is rely on Him, God allows those things.  And I won't ask why...

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (but not for my winner!!)

Have you ever read this book? Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  Ask me how my day was.

I have a very very very very very very very very very very stressful day job.  Really.  Do I need to explain how exhausted I am?

But, when I picked up my kids from school, you know what they said?

"Mom, I love you very much."

"I love you too mommy."

"I miss you when you're gone."

Priceless.  I beat myself up a lot because I'm a terrible disorganized mess at home.  I have plans to have menus posted (and I even tried to MAKE myself post them on this blog), but lately, I struggle to have time to sit down and just BREATHE.

The kids have cabin fever.  I have cabin fever.

Don't take me shopping, give me sunshine.  Green grass.  Flowers blooming and birds singing.

It seems that I want winter to come to have those warm cozy feelings, and then suddenly after January begins, I want to break out my Martha magazines, lawn books, plan my (super small) veggie garden, and just go O-U-T-S-I-D-E.

Winter seems to be the time when my stress levels skyrocket.  I get the most headaches.  My housekeeping suffers.

And days like this, well, they just make me want to crawl into bed and sleep for days.  I probably could.

But instead, Paige went as soon as I asked and grabbed her copy of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  So right now, we're going to read it.  Giggles from two toe-headed kids will ease my mind.  And I'll remember why I have a job that I very much DO like so that I can be home when they leave and when they get home from school.  Though there will be these Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days, I'm still mommy first.

PS, congrats to

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Happy January 1, 2011

Yeah, I just wanted to be a little different.

I had BIG HUGE plans for today.  And guess what I did.  I finished 1 1/2 loads of laundry while Justin & kids sat and watched Netflix via Wii all day.  Oh yeah, and I napped.  For hours.  I had a headache.  And no, I didn't party too hard last night.  We stayed home.  All my fav peeps together and struggling to stay up until the ball dropped.  It was a horrendous evening once the kiddos reached the "past tired" point.

All in all, I've been barking orders since I awoke from my midday slumber.  There are things that I'm itching to get started on for our home - I want Justin to make this:

(Photo courtesy of The Nester)

 

Love it...and, we're going to paint & move our computer desk.  I think I will use the chocolate brown from the kitchen to paint it with, but it will remain in the living room.  Just in a totally different, more reasonable place. 

2011 is exciting for me.  I got a whole slew of crafting junkola for Christmas from the wonderfully sweet, always believes in and supports me Justin.  Sometimes I think he does it just 'cause he doesn't want me to pout.  But I think its because he really does want me to find my niche. 

I hope, anyway :)

Hope everyone has had a wonderful first day of 2011.  Can't wait to spend the rest of the year with you!

Quick Christmas Tour 2010

I finally got a few pics together today - they aren't the best quality, but just some quick snapshots!!  HA!

I hope you enjoy - and check out the other homes at The Nester and at Kelly's Korner Blog.

Our tree (FULL of Christmas magic of all kinds!!)

A quick little wreath that I did up for our front door (bow gets smashed every.single.night)

Lamp

Santa checking up on the kids...well, in pictures anyway (this is a brief "good" moment for them both)

Living room

The Advent calendar - first thing the kids do when they get home is turn today's box around

Our stockings

The dining room (AKA my office - the messy desk on the left of the pic)

Justin did this for me, isn't it BE-AUTIFUL?

I picked up this book at a garage sale...and filled my punch bowl with cheap-o ornaments

Lights in the main bathroom

Also in the main bathroom - I say this is Paige & Marshall :)

The only touch of Christmas in our bedroom...

Well, almost the only touch - I'll be glad to clear this all out!!

Our bathroom - I was trying to hide, can you find me?

Paige's little tree

Marshall's tree - complete with singing Elmo, and a random clown - his addition!!

Hope you enjoyed a brief look at our house - make sure you check out all of the absolutely beautiful homes at The Nester and Kelly's Korner Blog!